Friends Revisited

Its written in the Gita that, having formed the first person, Brahma immediately declared our social character: "It is not good that man should be alone." Most of us, most of the time, would rather be with anyone than be alone. And when we compare being with anyone to being with a real friend, there is no comparison. The reasons are endless. The Great philosopher Francis Bacon noted two tremendously positive effects of friendship: "It redoubles joys and cuts grief in half." How true. Friends make the ordinary running errands or eating lunch, for example, extraordinarily fun. And good friends ease our pain and lighten our heavy load. They also strengthen us, nurture us, and help us grow. And without our knowing, they cause all those effects..

This brings us to a central issue. What are the "right kinds" of friends? What makes a friend "good"? What are "the real" friends?

The regular readers of the blog would be knowing the concepts of the pest and guest friends.Well, this time though there Is an addition to the club.These are fair weather friends. These are the people who walk with us in the sunshine, but they are gone when darkness falls. Overly engaged and emotionally needy friends who don't know the meaning of reciprocity are "downers". They take and take while we give and give, but we never see a return on our investment.And when I say investment, I don’t mean the monitory aspect of it. On the other end is "know-it-all friend" who mothers and smothers with unwanted advice but never asks for our input. In short, friends cannot be your employer they can't be your project, they can't be your psychiatrist. But they can be your friends, which is plenty.
Very recently I was asked this question that friends can never take place of your siblings.Well, as far as I am concerned , I don’t have a sibling but what I do have ,are eyes and a heart through which I can judge ,see and decipher that may be we don’t share the same blood group or the DNA ,BUT.So, who said that human blood or the DNA is the one which has got the responsibility of acting as a channel to connect hearts.
Real friends are few. The few real friends we enjoy generally come in one of two forms, both desirable and equally delightful. They are friends of the Road and friends of the Heart. Here is a story to explain what I mean.

He was He. That's why I liked him. He could always, I mean, always make me laugh. Whether we were hanging out at the restaurant, playing cricket in a field, sitting in college, or giving serious speeches in the Bhakshala, a mere glance from him could slay me.He and I had more in common than humor, however. We had countless conversations at all hours of the day and night about everything from music to the meaning of life. We also had soul-searching talks about our fears, our futures, our relationships. This was no lightweight relationship. We saw each other through the Storm of adolescence. Like two war veterans, we helped each other survive. At journey's end, however, the friendship may fade. I may not see him, my college confident, after we graduate.

Is a friendship that fades away necessarily a bad thing? I don't think so. There is a line in novel Q and A by Vikash Swarup "Centennial" that speaks to how even good friendships can be fleeting: "He wished he could ride forever with these men ... but it could not be. Trails end and companies of men fall apart."

Some friendships are meant to be transitory. Like cowboys who ride hard together for miles, sharing both dusty perils and round-the-campfire coffee, we all have friendships that come to their natural end. Not because of discontent or lack of interest. Simply because the road has run out. We've hit the end of the trail together and it's time to move on to other things, other companies of men.
What we got to Understand is that, these are not failed friendships. Not at all. They are friendships of the crossroads, equally intense, equally necessary, equally worth cultivating and treasuring as the long-lasting versions. We couldn't survive without them. They get us through a particular stretch of road, and for that we can be grateful. The friends we meet along life's road make the journey joyful. And they are just as fulfilling as friendships of the Heart. Well, almost.
What we ideally want is that those friendships of the roads turns out to be the friendship of the hearts.So what if we don’t live together in the future, don’t spend that much time again,or don’t know whats going on in each others life.For me my friends of the roads are indeed the friends of the hearts.I don’t know thiers but I presume it’s the same.Sporadic phone calls, as well as e-mail and a few cards or letters here and there, can bridge the connection between long lapses. We may not keep up on daily details, but these friends will know my headlines and I’l know theirs. We’l count on each other and we’l share an irresistible impulse to keep going together.

There's nothing like a true friend of the Heart, long-lasting pals who know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. They bring such comfort to our lives. It's nearly inexpressible.
As I started with Gita from the East , I’l end from the words of the west as given in Archer’s prodigal daughter quoting some poet that the comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are - chaff and grain together - certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.